All I Really Want- (Click for lyrics) I had a dream that this little boy kept asking me to play with him and spend time with him, and my response was always the same. I would pat him on the head and send him on his way, not ever committing to anything, just a vague affirmation that maybe someday I would actually get around to spending time with him. At the end of my dream, bothered by his constant requests, I finally got around to asking him who he was, and his response was, “God.” Immediately I woke up and was disturbed because I knew exactly what it meant. I was telling God that He was first in my life, but I wasn’t living it by putting Him first in my time. Starting my day with God has been a conviction that has completely changed my prayer life. Believe it or not, God is not the only one who tends to get my leftovers. I often do the very same thing to the people I love most. My hope is that we will all see that our time is a precious gift that means more to show our love to others than any amount of words or gifts will ever do.
The Story: In high school I was involved in a crazy amount of extracurricular activities, often up by 5am and out the door by 6:15am. My dad was and is a great father – affectionate and fiercely protective of his family. He must have told me thousands of times how much he loves me. But the forever imprint on my heart of his love for me was climbing the stairs before the sun came up on school days and seeing him on his knees before God, crying out on behalf of his family. He probably never knew that I was watching, but that’s the point. It wasn’t a show. His posture showed me his faith was real, and every time I recognize God’s blessings throughout my life, I know that it is because my daddy prayed for me. It is the greatest gift he ever could have given me, and my hope is that parents everywhere will be inspired to do the same.
Sometimes you read a story that changes you forever. Where the River Ends, by Charles Martin, is one of those stories. It is about a couple whose journey together is cut short by her death from cancer. What their journey taught me is that the goal isn’t to get through life unhurt, the goal is to live fully and love deeply. It goes along with I Peter 1:22, “Love one another deeply from the heart.” Why? Because that’s how God loves us: without holding anything back, risking it all, totally selfless! We can’t stop the river of love and life from changing and flowing. We can try to fight the changes or simply stay out of the water, seemingly safe and dry but with a love that is shallow. But the best, deepest love of all is one that is willing to dive in and experience a bond that goes far beyond the number of anniversaries we share to a place of vulnerability and passion that can only be experienced by putting the other person’s needs and desires ahead of my own. My hope is that we all will cast off our fears and love one another deeply. To check out the book that inspired the song, click here.
Sometimes I get so frustrated with the broken state of this world. With each passing day, my desire grows for God to usher in His Kingdom and that His will would be done here on earth as it is in Heaven. At the time I wrote this song, I was praying often that God would rid the world of evil and bring peace to troubled people, homes, and nations. And I felt that His response was, “Okay, Ginger, are you ready for me to begin with you?” Oh, the conviction I felt! It is so much easier to pray for God to change others, much more difficult to pray, “Lord, change me.” This song is based on II Chronicles 7:14, which says, “If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from Heaven and forgive their sins and heal their land.” When I hear this verse, my natural tendency is to think of the wickedness mentioned here as someone else’s wrongdoing, but then I am reminded in Matthew 7:3 that Jesus says, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” He goes on to teach that first I need to be cleansed before I can help others. So, in essence, if I want God to rid the world of evil and bring in true peace, then I must be willing to let Him begin with me.
I wrote this song at a time when my family and many close to us were going through difficult times. I was overwhelmed by mothering three small children who seemed to consume far more energy than I had to offer. We had just come through a huge health scare with our one year old. My parents, who had lived six blocks from us, had just decided to move out of state. I was exhausted and life was not meeting my expectations. I wrote this song in a state of despair. The original song started and ended with the question, “Will I Trust?” It wasn’t until after many months that God started to show me that my hopes and dreams were crushed because I had been putting my hope in my circumstances instead of in God. I then added the bridge and the subsequent chorus that affirmed, “I will trust!” The big lesson for me is that I can trust God because although his dreams for me might be different than I had expected, His plan surely works all things together for my good. God is slowly teaching me that I can rejoice even in the midst of suffering because it produces strength and character and hope in me. “And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.” Romans 5:5 I believe so strongly in this that I have used hope as the theme of this website. I know that if we will choose to trust God with every hope and every dream, His Word has promised that we would not be disappointed. Lord, teach me to trust You more!
I wrote this song for a dear friend and mentor, Jeannine Hutcherson. She had been battling cancer for nearly two years. On one of the visit’s my sister and I made, she stood before us, hand in hand with her husband, Dave, and told us the news that her cancer was advancing, and she believed that God was calling her home. It was one of the worst, yet most hope-filled moments of my life because Jeannine was not afraid to die. She was torn between the sorrow of leaving her loved ones behind and the hope of meeting her precious Jesus, but she faced her future with courage. She no longer asked us to pray for healing, now she asked us to pray that the time she had left would be less painful and for her family she would be leaving behind. It was devastating. As I drove home that day, barely seeing the road through the tears streaming down my face, I cried out to God, “Why? Why? Why, God? Why her? Why someone who has done so much good? Why someone who still has so much to offer? Couldn’t she stay with us for a few more years?” We had been praying for her healing for two years, and now it was clear that God wasn’t going to grant that request. I felt helpless, hopeless, and discouraged. But out of that moment, God gave me a song: a tender reminder of the fullness of His love for us. Just like the father in the story of the prodigal son, God has been waiting and anticipating our arrival to meet Him face to face. He longs to make our faith sight. Hallelujah! I hope that you will hear God’s loving voice calling out to you today through this song. |
